You may not be able to put it into words clearly but you just “feel” that your relationship is in trouble. You find yourself questioning whether or not it’s even worth saving and constantly wondering what’s missing from your relationship. Is it commitment, compatibility, trust, love? We wreck our brains trying to figure out how can we identify what’s really going on.
If you could change one thing about your relationship what would it be? Wouldn’t you want things to be the way they were in the beginning? Wouldn’t you want to feel the closeness that you once had? Wouldn’t you want to feel loved and cared about again? All these questions are not foreign to someone who has been or still is in love and in a relationship
I used to lose sleep at night worrying whether my relationship was going to last even another day. We used to be best friends and I just didn’t know what happened. How did it get so bad? I knew how close we were in the beginning. Now, we were hardly speaking. And when we did it was never pleasant. It makes me angry that people get more training learning how to flip hamburgers at McDonald’s than in developing a lasting relationship. Chances are, like me, you’ve turned to friends and family looking for helpful advice. You may have even tried chat rooms looking for someone to help. I’ve found advice from these sources just doesn’t work. Worse, as I experienced, they encourage you to “dump the b*tch out”. The tons of relationship books out there, I found most left me with more questions than answers.
Know that your relationship will not fix itself.
Relationship stress impacts everything about your life whether you realize it or not. When your mind is bothered by what’s happening with you and your partner, you’re carrying the stress of that fight to your work, how you deal with people, how you project yourself to the world. It will create a vicious cycle of negativity that will not help make things better. Realize when this is happening.
For this article, we’ll tackle how you can minimize stress with regards to your relationship so you can slowly work on the other issues.
- Characterize what is the real problem and what your relationship is all about. Before you tackle solutions to the problem your relationship is facing, first determine if something is really a problem and the actual relationship itself and the challenges you face. The love you feel for one another should be protected from the stresses you encounter. To confuse the two would severely affect the relationship dynamic. For this to be successful we need to work at controlling our response so it doesn’t poison our feeling about our mate.
- Constant reaffirmation of your partnership leads to is important.
Little misunderstandings often happen so it is important that you remind both of yourselves that you are allies in the struggle and not enemies that should clash. Remember that you are each other’s support no matter what happens. If mistakes are made, being quick to apologize demonstrates a strong commitment to the relationship. Also, being forgiving about the other’s shortcomings has a similar effect. A constant reminder of how much you value your partner and the relationship will help clear away the doubts that sometimes tries to set in.
- Do not be afraid to seek help if you need it as things can often be confusing and do not be too proud or stubborn which will help you lose objectivity. Most often, an impartial third party like a relationship coach who can hear both your sides will be able to see things clearly and will be able to provide valuable insight will greatly help you see things in different angles you have not considered. If you truly value your closest relationship, then the willingness to do whatever it takes to strengthen the bond of love and unity should be done. It may not always be easy but the rewards of having your loved one close and your relationship intact should be worth it.
- Find opportunities to push and encourage one another to be better individuals. How do you feel when your partner expresses their confidence and trust in your judgment and actions? If you say you are more encouraged, it feels good, doesn’t it? We feel more emboldened and confident to take on more challenging tasks and face challenging times when we know our partner’s going to be by our side as their presence often casts away self-doubt. And even if the cloud of doubt lingers, knowing that we have another person to count on gives us the boost of courage we need to make it through. Mutual encouragement is a very powerful anti-stress tool a relationship can wield. Do not wait for stressful situations to present themselves before you utter a word or two of encouragement.
- Treat each other with respect and do not let familiarity breed contempt. When we are under stress, we often tend to shirk away and be less resourceful. The last thing we want to ever do is to treat the other person as our shock absorber in life. In reality, it is not familiarity that lets us breed contempt for another but the lack of consideration and the show of disrespect. Promote unity and maintain a high level of respect for one another by making sure you treat the other with deference. Let them know where they stand and where you stand. Open and honest communication will help you get this through.
These are just some tips to help you make what you have work better. Relationships need hard work to maintain because after the burst of attraction settles and you get to know each other better it also unearths layers of one’s personality that we need to deal with. We not only take the good but also the bad. The challenges will always be there but to know how to properly handle them will reward us with years of lasting friendship and companionship with someone we can count on through our deepest, toughest times and in the peak of our successes. And putting in all these hard works will be worth it.